Those of you that follow our blog regularly have no doubt noticed that we have not been posting very much. Well, we have a very good reason for that, one that will require a fair bit of writing on my part, and a fair bit of reading on yours. But before I go any further, let me preface this post with the following: Steve and I are very private people and, as such, it is really quite rare for you to see any personal information on our blog. This post is a total deviation from that general policy of ours, but I believe that it is an important post and I hope you will all read right through to the end (where the really good stuff is). Please don't read just half of this - if you read any, please read it all, otherwise it just won't make sense. Ok....here goes.
Back in February, I went to see my doctor about some vertigo I had been having. While there, we discovered it was time for my annual pap, so I booked that for February 28th. It's a fairly routine thing, so I didn't worry about it at all. When I went in for my exam, they found a mass near my left ovary, that they thought was just a fibroid. Again, not a big deal, but we scheduled an ultrasound just to be sure.
On April 2nd I went into the ultrasound clinic for my exam. I wasn't too concerned as I knew they were going to find something, but when the tech stopped talking to me and madly pushing buttons, I knew there was a problem. After scanning my entire pelvic region and moving right up to my kidneys and other abdominal organs, she asked if the radiologist could come in and take a look. So, I obviously agreed (and now knew without a doubt that something was very wrong).
Sure enough, there was a large mass, about the size of a tennis ball, adjacent to my ovary. The radiologist's face said it all as he told me that there are many masses that look like ovarian cancer, so hopefully this was one of those masses. Later that day I went my GP's office to chat about the results. My regular doctor was actually on leave for a health problem of his own, so I had been seeing a series of locums throughout this process.
When I went to see the doctor on the afternoon of April 2nd I was told that I had ovarian cancer that had spread to my brain (thus explaining the vertigo I had been experiencing).
Wow. Ovarian cancer that had spread to my brain. What do you do with that kind of news?
I came home, in shock, and carried on with our evening routine...making dinner, bath, reading time with the boys, and bedtime. And then I sat on the couch and stared at something on TV, I have no idea what. I went to bed that night, and actually slept quite soundly as the full impact of the news hadn't quite sunk in yet.
On April 3rd I cried. A lot. I thought about my boys and how important they are to me. I thought about Steve and how it was way too soon for this to happen to us. I thought about my friends and family and how to tell them the news. I thought about my clients and wondered how I was going to shoot their weddings while dealing with this.
And then I started telling people. I reached out to about a dozen people altogether. My girlfriends came over that night with a bottle of wine and we drank and laughed through the evening. I received amazing offers of help and a whole lot of affirmations that I was going to be ok.
The next day I woke up ready to fight. I was mad and I was going to beat whatever this was right into submission.
On April 9th I went to see a surgeon and I was told that the likelihood of this being cancer was pretty much zero.
Pardon me?
The surgeon told us that the size, location and composition of the mass could really only be a fibroma, not cancer. Well, at this point we had no idea what to think, let alone what to say. We knew it needed to be removed, so we signed the consent forms and went home.
Just a few days later we headed out to the Atlanta Bebbinar, where we had a fabulous group and a truly wonderful experience. We knew the surgery was coming and we wanted it done sooner rather than later. After all, with a 6 week recovery time, it didn't leave a lot of room to be completely healed in time for our weddings in June.
On April 29th (the day the Toronto Bebbinar was scheduled to begin), I had surgery. It was scheduled to be day surgery and I was planning to be home that night. Instead, I woke up after two hours of surgery to learn that I had everything in my pelvic region removed (ovaries, tube, uterus, etc) as the mass was such that nothing could be saved. It was a difficult two nights in the hospital as I quickly weaned myself off the morphine pump and started walking the floor. I was determined to get home as fast as I could and I was checked out of the hospital a day early, sent home with instructions to sit still, and not work for at least 6 weeks.
As many of you know, two weeks later I was in Nashville for the Bebbinar. I have absolutely no regrets about taking that trip. None. In fact, getting onto that plane, and walking into a workshop full of hopeful faces ready to soak it all in, was incredibly gratifying for both Steve and I. There were difficulties with walking too much, standing too long and carrying my camera. But, it was an amazing group of people, all of whom were told of the situation, and who gave of themselves as much as we gave to them.
We did two more Bebbinars in the following four weeks, one in Minneapolis and the other in Chicago. We also photographed Monica and Gary's 14 hour wedding on June 7th, when I was just 5 weeks post-op. Our obligations and responsibilities are important to us and wallowing on the couch is simply not my style. Our Bebbinars are so much more to us than simply workshops. We pour our hearts, souls, knowledge and experience into every workshop that we do, and the rewards we take away are so much more than simply monetary. We will be forever grateful to and humbled by everyone that attended a Bebbinar this spring - you are all a part of our family now and your support has meant the world to both of us.
A week before heading to Chicago, I was officially cleared to begin work again. And I was told that I needed to see an oncologist since the pathology on the mass had come back as "borderline" ovarian cancer. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time online trying to find a definitive answer to what exactly had been in my body. But, ovarian cancer, like many of the cancers below the waist, is an elusive cancer, often considered a silent killer. And borderline ovarian cancer rarely makes it into the articles I was able to find - it is usually just a reference with no real explanation.
So, armed with almost no knowledge at all, we headed to the oncologist's office. The doctor was great, and I felt like I would finally get my questions answered. The most important news I received was that any further treatment, such as chemo or radiation, was highly unlikely in my case. But, because this was my second borderline mass in 6 years, he is conferring with one of his colleagues (a specialist in gynecological cancers) before confirming his initial thoughts.
I don't have cancer - it's gone. The surgeon did a fantastic job of removing it, along with everything else, and I am officially cancer free. I'm still not entirely clear about whether what I had is considered cancer or not...the literature isn't all that specific about my kind of mass. But, it's good news - the best we could hope for under the circumstances - and I am healthy again, back at work full time and appreciating the life I have more than ever before.
And now to the reason for this post. As I mentioned, we are very private people, but I'm hoping that you can all help me with something very important to me. I don't like to ask for help, or even let people know I need it, but I'm asking you all if you will please help me.
I am running in a fundraiser called the Underwear Affair. It is a 10k run designed to raise money for cancers below the waist. So far, Steve and I are the only ones on Team Bebb, but if you are in Vancouver and want to join our team, that would be fantastic. Just leave a comment below and I'll send you the information you need to register.
If everyone could go to this site and donate to Team Bebb, that would be truly fantastic. It doesn't have to be much, even just $5 would go a long way. We're hoping to raise at least $2000 for this cause, but raising more would be great too! And don't forget about Steve - he battled this every step with me, while also taking care of our kids and the business. You have the option to click on either of our names, so please choose him too!
I don't often reach out and ask for help, but I do need your help to make this happen. Cancer touches all our lives in some way, at some point, and ovarian cancer in particular is so difficult to find. It is a virtually symptom less cancer, dubbed the silent killer, that takes far too many women each year. But because it is a cancer below the waist, it doesn't get anywhere near enough attention. And although I dodged the bullet, far too many women don't.
Thank you, in advance, to each and every one of you that clicks on the link and donates what you can. I'm starting to train now and I plan to whoop Steve's butt in this run. We'll post a follow up when it's all over (including our times!). We're also going to be back to blogging much more regulary, so you'll hear lots about our weddings, upcoming speaking engagements and more. We'll have a new blog very, very soon, so watch for that too.
xoxo,
Jen
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4 days to go until we run in the Underwear Affair. We shattered our fundraising goal, and we'll let you all know how we do. Steve has been training in an unconventional way (i.e. not running at all) and I've been putting in my time on the treadmill. It should be a crazy, fun time, and we never lose sight of the fact that we are doing this for a reason. It's not a huge thing, but the ripples from this will be felt in so many places. 
